Don't Be Afraid of the F-word

“Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted.”

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

How many times have you fallen into that “vulgar mistake?” I could write a list a mile long, recounting all of the times that I mistook someone’s disagreement with me for a personal offense.

Perhaps that explains why I often recoil at the sound of the F-word: Feedback. Cognitively, I know that feedback is simply information, and that I get to decide what I do with it, but somehow it ends up feeling like a persecution. I enjoy receiving feedback when I ask for it, but I don’t know anyone who likes to be on the receiving end of this statement: “I’d like to share a little feedback with you.”

I don’t know many people who like to be on the giving end of that statement, either. We don’t want to be the persecuted or the persecutor. Yet, feedback provides essential information, especially to leaders. It tells us how our actions have been perceived by others--something very few of us can see for ourselves.

My challenge to you, then, is to be a model recipient of feedback. When you do this, others will be more receptive to feedback because they have seen you being more receptive to it. And when you invite others to give you feedback, you’ve taken a traditionally one-way mode of communication (senior to direct report) and made it a two-way exchange of ideas.

It is a challenging proposition for a leader to ask for feedback. First, the information received is often based on criticism of your past actions--not easy to hear. Second, even if you are willing to entertain opinions that contradict yours, people may be uncomfortable sharing them, fearing that somehow their words will be used against them. If you do not have access to a confidential feedback process (such as the online 360-degree assessment tool we use at worldAWAKE), take a different approach:
· Gather some informal feedback. You may do this by observing others’ reactions to you over the course of a week, or by asking a trusted mentor to share her observations of you. You might also reflect on past performance reviews and look for commonalities.
· Choose a behavior (or related set of behaviors) to improve that you believe would significantly enhance your relationships or performance. I use a simple framework to guide my clients’ development decisions. If you would like suggestions on what behaviors to consider, please e-mail me at jenn@worldAWAKE.net.
· Invite a few colleagues to assist you. Who is most affected by this behavior and sees it on a regular basis? Enlist the support of a handful of people above, across from, and below you in the organization who will be able to provide useful, insightful information on your progress and opportunities.
· Focus on the future. Instead of asking for feedback on what went wrong in the past, ask your colleagues to give you suggestions for how you can improve.
· Be specific. Instead of asking a peer, “How could I be a more effective member of our team?” focus the conversation on your desire to improve in a specific area: “How could I communicate with members more effectively so that they respond to my ideas with more open minds?”
· Follow up. Ask your colleagues for more suggestions on a regular basis and share your recent successes with them. Let them know how you’re implementing their ideas.

Here’s to your continued development and to never making that vulgar mistake again...Cheers!